Cowboys and pioneers, come lend your eyes and ears.
I’ve got the need to testify.
Don’t try to fill your nest out in the open west
’cuz there’s a million ways to die.Six bullets in the gut or just a paper cut
…too many ways to quantify.
They’ll cut your ankle off to cure a minor cough
’cuz there’s a million ways to die.[Chorus]It’s a hundred and one in the shade of the sun.
If you fall asleep, you fry.[Chorus]You can live like a saint but there just really ain’t
no avoiding a million ways to die.[Chorus]Smallpox and bigger pox, and deadly tomahawks
…or God forbid you steal a pie.They’ll blast you into shards for bein’ good at cards.
’cuz there’s a million ways to die.Out on the desert plains it hardly ever rains
and you can hear coyotes cry.They’ll eat you up and then they’ll crap you out again
’cuz there’s a million ways to die.[Chorus]With a whoosh and a whack there’s a knife in your back
’cuz you got a fancy tie…[Chorus]It’s a kick in the pants but you don’t have a chance
of escaping a million ways to die.[Chorus]